The Missing Soul
2023
Podcast Episode
Ernest: Hi guys, welcome to another episode of “Pranking humans”. For new listeners, in this podcast, I try pranking humans who constantly disturb our rest. I mean it’s literally in the name. And I, your host, Ernest shall report it to you live. Now you can just sit back, relax and listen to what will happen to these unsuspecting people.
Intro music plays. It is upbeat and happy. It slowly fades away.
Ernest: It’s now 9pm and today, I am at Owaissa Street, Appleton, in Wisconsin.
This place is apparently one of the most haunted places according to humans. So there would be tons of them trying to hunt us.
Oh, here comes one of them. He is wearing a green t-shirt and shorts. Ooh, there’s something he’s holding in his right hand. What is that? Ah, doesn’t matter. He’s too far away for me to see that. And other than that, he has a flashlight in his other hand. This guy seems like an amateur at hunting ghosts. (slight chuckle) Let’s go teach him a lesson.
Footsteps can be heard as Ernest walks towards the man.
Ernest: What the hell is that on his back? Is that a glass container attached to a bag? Haha! This guy looks so dumb. It’s like this is his first time hunting ghosts. Like I’ve seen kids doing better than this guy here. Think you can catch me with that stupid machine you made? LOL, dream on. (pause) Oh, wait. He’s entering the first abandoned house he sees.
Woah, this house is such a mess. Everything is broken and some of the wooden planks have already come off. No wonder it’s abandoned. Anyways back to our first victim. He is carefully examining this house like he’s looking for something. (mockingly) Hello human, I’m right here… Come and catch me with that stupid thing you got.
Laughs at him.
Ernest: I’m gonna turn the lights off and on to see how he would react.
Sound of lights switching on and off.
David: Hello? Is anyone there? Liz? Is that you? I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to drive you away. I’ve changed. Just come back to me, please.
Ernest: Liz? Who the heck is that? Anyways this guy doesn’t seem like any fun to make fun of. I’m just gonna go. Pranking some broken-hearted guy is just sad, man.
Footsteps can be heard as Ernest slowly leaves the house. He bumps into a lamp which shatters onto the floor.
Ernest: Ah, damn it.
David: Liz? Come back here.
A whirring sound of machinery can be heard.
Ernest: What the hell? I’m being sucked into that thing! Help! H-
David: Got you now.
Ernest: Hey, get me out of here.
Thumping can be heard as Ernest tries to punch his way out of the machine he is in.
David: Are you not Liz? Ah, for god’s sake, just keep quiet then.
Ernest: Hey! Let me out. Who do you think you are? Huh?
David: Me? I’m David.
Ernest: Wait… How can you hear me? I’m a ghost. You shouldn’t be able to hear or even see me.
David: Well, you see. You’re not the first ghost I’ve captured. I’ve been studying you guys and I’ve managed to create this glass chamber where I can speak and see ghosts. Anywhere else and you’re invisible to me.
Ernest: You can’t keep me here forever. How ‘bout this. If you let me go I won’t disturb anyone anymore. Okay? All you have to do is just let me go, man.
David: Hah! You think I captured you cause you were disturbing me? No, no. You see I’m trying to bring back the dead, and I know I’m close. So I’m going to need to experiment on you.
Ernest: Bring back the dead? How?
David: You’ll see. But for now just wait. I have to get back home first.
Ernest: Dude, there’s no way you can bring back the dead. People smarter than you have tried and even they couldn’t do it. So stop wasting your time and just let me go.
David: I told you before, I’m not letting you go. And I don’t care if people have tried it before. If I don’t try it myself, I’ll never know. I just need to save her.
Ernest: Who?
David: (sighs) Liz… She’s my wife. But I messed that all up.
Beat.
David: All because of drinking.
Ernest: What?
David: Every night I would go out with my friends and get wasted. But one day I got so wasted and I didn’t know what I was doing. I… went driving after that and yeah…
Ernest: Oh.
David: I missed her so badly, I wanted to bring her back to life. So I started working on how to bring back the dead. And after years of research, I’m finally so close.
Ernest: Why don’t you just let her rest?
David: No. She will never be at peace without me. But I still haven’t figured out how to bring her back. Ghost after ghost, experiments after experiments none of them worked. They all just turned to nothing.
Ernest: Nothing? You… you managed to kill ghosts?
David: I wouldn’t say kill, more like they disappeared. But I still couldn’t find the formula to bring them back to life. Like what am I missing? Everything seems to add up fine to me. But it just doesn’t work!
Ernest: Wait, wait back up. The ghosts you killed. How did that even happen? No one can die twice. Once you’re a ghost, you’re immortal. I mean, you can get injured but you can’t die.
David: You see, ghosts are basically just air, and your soul inhabits the air. But you have this invisible body which allows you to do the things any normal living thing can do. Like walking, holding things and stuff like that. So the only reason you can still roam the earth is just because there is air all around you. All I need to do is to just remove the air around you and you will go poof. But I’ve been trying to just change the air from where you are into a makeshift body, but it just doesn’t work. But I think I finally figured it out. And I’ll be testing it on you.
Ernest: No, no, no, no, no! Let me out of this thing!
Banging on the glass. Louder this time.
David: Hey. Will you calm down? You won’t be able to escape this glass. Just try to enjoy your last moments as a ghost, okay?
Ernest: Wait. Wait. David. Listen to me, please. I have an idea. I can help you.
David: Help me? Yeah, you can help me by keeping quiet. There’s nothing that can change my mind.
Ernest: No, no I’m serious. I can help you find Liz, or whatever her name is. I run this podcast in the ghost world, and I can help you find her. I’m basically a celebrity in that world. All I need you to do is to not do this experiment on me. Please. I would do anything.
David: You can find Liz? Really? How do I know you aren’t lying, huh?
Ernest: You can see me right? Look at this.
Sounds of objects clinking into each other as Ernest pulls out a microphone.
Ernest: Look, it’s my microphone for my podcast. I can ask all my listeners to help me look for her. Please just let me go.
Beat.
David: Fine. But I’ll give you only one day to find her and if you don’t, I won’t give you another chance.
Ernest: Yes, yes okay. I will definitely find her.
David: And if you even think of running away, I will continue my experiments on the other ghosts until I finally find out how to bring her back. I don’t care how many of you I kill. I will finish my job.
Ernest: Yes. yes. Okay. Trust me, I will be able to find her.
David: You better.
A beep sound can be heard as David presses the button to let Ernest go. Machinery whirring as the glass chamber is opened.
David: Remember what I said. If you do not find her within 24 hours, you will regret it. You better be back tomorrow at this time.
Ernest: Wait! What does she look like? I can’t find her without knowing what she looks like.
David: Ah, right, forgot to tell you. She has wide eyes, full cheeks, and a refined nose. Her eyes are a shade of dark hazel brown and she has long straight hair. Umm… everything else you need to know is right here.
David reaches into his bag and the moving of objects can be heard.
David: Ah, here it is.
Ernest: A diary?
David: Yup, there’s nothing better which can help you find her. And you better get going now. You don’t have all day.
Suspenseful music plays in the background.
As music fades away, loud talking can be heard in the background.
Ernest: Hi guys, if you’re still tuned in to this podcast, please help me. I’ve been doing my best to find this Liz person but she’s untraceable. I’ve tried looking everywhere. Her old home, the place she died and even her favourite place. But it’s like she’s gone, like she’s been wiped off the face of the earth. Right now I’m standing at a shopping mall where she used to buy tons of her shirts. It’s called uhh… Fox River Mall and there is nothing other than tons of humans wondering about. I’m really running out of time here so if anyone has any clues on where she is, please contact me.
The noise from the boisterous crowd gets louder as Ernest walks around trying to get information from other ghosts.
Ernest: Hi. Sorry, have you seen this woman?
Ghost 1: Nope.
Ernest: Excuse me, have you seen this person?
Ghost 2: Nah.
Phone ringing.
Ernest: Yes? Hello?
Caller: Hi. OMG, am I live right now?
Ernest: Yes you are. Please tell me you’re calling to tell me details on Liz.
Caller: Ooh right. I think I have seen this person you are talking about. Ok, she was walking around umm this street. Ah, what’s that street called? I keep forgetting it. It’s the one with the really weird name.
Ernest: Ma’am, please try to remember the name. I’m really running out of time here.
Caller: Wait, wait. Give me time to think. Oh, yes! It’s N Oneida Street. The one near the cemetery! What a silly name right? (chuckles) Anyways, good luck with your little game!
Ernest: Yes, yes. Thank you ma’am.
Caller: Ah, No pro-
Ends call.
Ernest: N Oneida street? Why on earth would she be there?
Suspense music plays in the background.
Ernest: N Oneida street… N Oneida street… Oh there it is! Just need to find Liz now… Hello! Liz! Liz! Where are you man! Please answer me!
Footsteps can be heard
Liz: Jeez, I’m not going anywhere. You don’t have to go shouting my name to the whole world. What do you want?
Ernest: Are you Liz?
Liz: Yeah? Who are you and what do you want?
Ernest: You don’t know me? I’m Ernest. You know? That guy who is famous for his legendary podcasts?
Liz: Nope. Never heard of you. What do you want from me?
Ernest: Oh… Ah, whatever. Anyways this is going to sound a little crazy, but would you please go back to David?
Beat.
Liz: D… David?
Ernest: Yeah. You know, your husband?
Liz: Husband? He was never my husband. He was this… this manipulative guy who constantly shouted at me. He… he treated me like shit. I left him just because of that, and I will never go back to him.
Ernest: Please. You don’t understand what will happen if you don’t go.
Liz: N… never. That guy’s crazy. Everyday with him was just another day of arguing, screaming and fighting. And when I left him, that guy lost it.
Ernest: How?
Liz: He kept sending me death threats. Sending me messages saying he was going to kill me. And even though I got a restraining order, he still didn’t stop. He just kept on threatening me. Until one day, he actually ended my life. The whole reason why I changed my look was so that he couldn’t find me here if he ever decided to kill himself.
Ernest: What? But he said-
Liz: Look I told you what happened and you still don’t believe me. Who even are you to him, huh?
Ernest: I’m a guy who’s being held hostage by him, okay? You don’t know what he has done. He tried to bring back the dead. To bring you back. But since he hasn’t figured it out, he has just been going around killing ghosts for the sake of you.
Beat.
Liz: He what?
Ernest: He’s killing people… ghosts. If you don’t go back he’s going to continue this… this mass killing. You’re the only one who can save us. Please just go back.
Liz: S… Sorry. But I can’t. I vowed to never go back. I’m sorry.
Footsteps as Liz leaves the area.
Ernest: Wait! Liz! Please! The ghosts need you. Only you can stop this. Think about others, you selfish bitch! God damn it! What the hell am I supposed to tell David now? I don’t have much time left and she’s gone. Shit!
Suspense music cues in.
David: Where’s that guy? He better be back soon. Hey! Times up ghost man! Come back now!
Ernest steps into the glass chamber.
Ernest: (scared) I… I’m here.
David: So?
Ernest: So what?
David: Where is she? You promised to bring her back.
Beat.
Ernest: She… she didn’t want to go back to you. She sounded scared, traumatised. What did you do to her man?
David: That’s none of your business, okay?
Ernest: Hey man, you told me that you changed for her. You said you killed her accidentally. But that’s not what she said, man. She told me you did it on purpose. You lied to me. You told me it was a drinking problem but-
David: But what, huh? What’s that got to do with you, huh? All you had to do was find her and you failed to do that.
Ernest: Wait! David, David. Please. Don’t do this. I’m sorry. Give me one more chance, okay? I’ll get her to come.
David: Nah. I told you this was your last chance.
Liz: Wait! I’m here.
Ernest: Wait! Wait. She… She’s behind you.
David: Liz?
Liz steps into the glass chamber with Ernest.
Liz: Yes, David. I’m back. Let him go.
Ernest: (whispering) Why are you here? Didn’t you say you will never get back with this guy?
Liz: (whispering) You rather me not come and let him kill other ghosts?
Ernest: (whispering) No?
Liz: (whispering) I figured that I may be able to reason with him.
David: Liz… Why did you leave me for so long? I’ve been trying to find you all this time. But you never came.
Liz: Seriously, David? Stop being so delusional. You know exactly why I left you. Everyday you just kept screaming at me. Making me obey you. As if I was your dog or something. So why the hell would I go back to you?
David: You can’t blame me. I loved you. But you just kept on avoiding me as if I was nothing to you. I even built this so I can be together with you again.
Liz: David. This machine will never work. You can’t keep living in the past and try to get me back. Just move on with your life.
Ernest: She’s right, David. It’s time to move on. She’s dead. There’s no way to bring her back.
David: Shut up, ghost guy. This is between me and Liz.
Liz: Yeah, just stay out of this.
Ernest: Fine.
David: Liz. Are you sure you don’t want to come back to me? I’ve changed. I swear.
Liz: (sighs) David, I know that you’ve changed, but you have to let me rest in peace. Go find other people. Have fun with whatever time you have left with your life in the human world. Don’t spend it all on me.
David: But-
Liz: No. Just listen to me for once. It’s time to move on. Please just stop whatever you’re doing. Stop whatever this is. Just live your life.
David: (sighs) Fine.
Footsteps can be heard as Liz leaves the house. The footsteps slowly fade away and solemn music can be heard.
Ernest: It’s okay, man.
David: What do I do? I mean my whole life, it’s about her. I know I treated her wrongly in the past. But I changed for her. I really did my best this time to make her stay and she still left me.
Ernest: Hey, just focus on something else, you know? There’s more interesting things in life than her. You created this machine all by yourself to see and speak to ghosts. I mean that’s not something a lot of people can do. You could always become a mechanic or engineer, you know?
David: You really think I can do that?
Ernest: Sure. Believe in yourself and anything is possible.
David: Thanks.
Happy music plays in the background and as it slowly softens down, applause and cheering can be heard.
Emcee: I would like to present the Nobel Physics Prize to David Larsson who has managed to allow us to contact ghosts. Now you can talk to your loved ones even if they are gone. Everyone, please welcome David!
David: Thank you everyone. I would like to thank everyone who has supported me through the years and I could not have done it without you guys. But most importantly, I would like to thank Ernest, someone who has pushed me to be the very person I am right now.
Clapping and cheering from the audience.