On The Clock! – Episode 1: An Expositional Exposé and Introduction to a Meta-physical Nightmare
2023
ORION groans in pain. There is some soft chatter amidst his wincing.
Orion: Owwww ouch ouch ouch… crew give me a second. I’m getting a massive headache.
A few seconds of silence, then ORION breathes out.
James: … Ready?
Orion: Yeah.
James: Crew, we’re ready.
Crew member: 3, 2, 1
Action clapper noise. Intro music is the song Team Fortress 2 main theme by Valve Studio Orchestra.
James: Good morning, good night and good afternoon folks, and welcome to: on the clock! The show where I ask questions and your favourite celebrities race to answer them in time. Your timezone doesn’t matter, what does is that you’re watching the show.
The audience laughs obnoxiously.
James: Annnywho, we have a very special guest onboard the show tonight. Everybody, give a round of applause for actor extraordinaire, Orion Ford!
The live studio audience whoops and claps.
Fan: I LOVE YOU!!!
Orion: Thank you, thank you. I love you too, random audience member!
A few chuckles, then the cheering subsides.
Orion: Man, it feels like it’s been so long since I’ve sat in this chair.
James: Haha, trust me Orion it hasn’t been that long. Last time we met you were wearing the same… colourful suit and tie combo.
The audience laughs.
Orion: Woah there buddy, respect the drip.
The audience roars with laughter.
James: (chuckling) Anyways, let’s get started. Crew, wind the clock!
A tense instrumental accompanies the sound of a clock winding up. It ends with a ding.
James: Remember folks, as the questions get harder, the time gets shorter. Now first question, what is your favourite dog breed?
Countdown clock ticking sound starts then stops, being interrupted by a shrill buzzer sound.
Orion: Easy, pitbull. Because on the outside they look like they could kill you, but on the inside they’re absolute sweethearts
The audience awws.
Orion: Like you James, except you look non threatening but there’s this glint of madness in your eyes.
The audience laughs.
James: (agitated) Haha, sure thing Orion. Alright, next question!
The same clock winds up, but it’s shorter.
James: What would you say is the most valuable life lesson you’ve learned?
Countdown clock sound resumes. It goes on for a while longer. A brass instrumental kicks in signalling the time is coming to an end. Suddenly there’s the buzzer sound.
Orion: I’d say the most valuable life lesson I learnt was to respect people. Especially when we are different. No matter gender, social status, race, we all deserve respect. So we shouldn’t say things like, hey you (bleep)–
Gasps echo throughout the studio, but instead of the typical clear audio quality of studio mics it sounds crunchier. There’s static white noise and a low electrical humming. Same crunchy effect is applied to the rest of the dialogue. The panicked whispering of the producer and crew can be heard amidst the gasps.
Orion: Wait wha-
James: (exasperated whisper, talking over Orion) Oh my (bleeping) GOD not again.
The electrical humming and white noise gets louder as they talk. The noise is interrupted with the sound of a chain jangling and a clear winding sound. Then, a click sound. It cuts off all the noise for a while before the sound of the previous dialogue but sped up, in reverse, and warped is heard. The original high sound quality returns.
ORION hisses and groans in pain more intensely than last time. JAMES hisses as well, but softly. JAMES recovers quickly and breathes out.
Orion: Owwww ouch ouch ouch (pause). Crew, give me a second. Christ, this headache is really bad.
A couple seconds of ORION groaning, then he breathes out
James: (impatiently) Are you alright?
Orion: Mhm.
Crew member: (quietly) You sure?
James: Let’s just start already.
Orion: (slurring slightly) Geez man… I’m fine though, don’t worry about me guys.
Crew member: Alright: 3, 2, 1.
Action clapper noise. intro music is the Team Fortress 2 Main Theme by Valve Studio Orchestra, but it starts stuttering and gets stuck before skipping to the end.
James: Good morning, good night and good afternoon folks, and welcome to: on the clock! The show where I ask questions and your favourite celebrities race to answer them in time. Your timezone doesn’t matter, what does is that you’re watching the show.
The audience laughs obnoxiously.
James: Annnywho, we have a very special guest onboard the show tonight. Everybody, give a round of applause for actor extraordinaire, Orion Ford!
Crowd whoops and claps quietly.
James: Come on people let’s try to put in some energy for our guest!
Fan: I LOVE YOU!!!!
Orion: I love you too, random audience member!
A few chuckles, then the cheering subsides.
Orion: Man… I had major deja vu just now!
James: What? That’s… interesting, Orion. (clears throat) Let’s just proceed to the questions.
Orion: Yep, let’s get to it!
James: Crew, wind the clock!
The same tense instrumental accompanies the sound of a clock winding up, yet it becomes increasingly distorted. The strange distortion is cut off with a ding.
James: Remember folks, as the questions get harder, the time gets shorter. Now first question, What do you think is your greatest strength?
Countdown clock ticking sound starts then stops, being interrupted by a shrill buzzer sound.
Orion: I’d say my greatest strength is my confidence. It’s something everyone needs, and actors especially.
James: Is this something you’ve always had?
Orion: Yeah, I’ve pretty much always been sure of myself. I’m quite lucky. In the film industry, people can easily take advantage of you, especially if they’re famous and if you’re new. So I make sure to use my confidence not only for myself but also to make sure I can speak up for others.
The audience claps.
James: As long as you’re not speaking over others, confidence is always a good trait to have!
Orion: (mumbling) What, like you?
James: Hm?
Orion: (cheerily) Nothing. Let’s just get into the next question!
James: We shall.
The countdown clock winds up once again, but both the winding and instrumental are sped up and at a higher pitch. It finishes with a ding.
Orion: Man, you guys better check on that clock, I think it’s gone a little cuckoo!
The audience starts to laugh but are cut off by a soft shoosh from JAMES.
James:(snarkily) There’s nothing wrong with the clock… maybe your hearing has clocked out for the day.
Silence, a few people in the audience cough.
James: Oh come on guys, can we get some laughter in here?
The audience laughs hesitantly.
James: That’s better. Next question, who is your idol?
Countdown clock ticking sound starts then stops, the shrill buzzer cuts it off earlier than before.
Orion: My mother is my idol for sure. She was the one to encourage me to pursue acting and told me I’d be a star since day one! She’s probably my biggest fan.
The audience awws.
James: That’s real sweet Orion. Is there anything you want to say to her while you’re on the show?
Orion: For sure. Mom, if you’re watching this, shout outs to you! Thank you for supporting me unconditionally.
The audience claps and awws for ORION.
James: Alright people let’s move on now.
The same tense instrumental accompanies the sound of a clock winding up. It ends with a ding. There’s nothing strange about it.
James: (softly) Oh thank goodness. (clears his throat, louder) Now, what’s the most difficult part about being an actor?
Countdown clock ticking plays. The brass instrumental kicks in signalling the time is coming to an end. Suddenly there’s the buzzer sound.
Orion: I’d say… dealing with divas in showbiz. It could be directors or even costars. But it’s never the crew. They probably take the most crap from people. What’s worse is that because of the Hollywood hierarchy, so to speak, they can’t do anything about it because they might get blacklisted from getting hired by other people. Especially if they’re working with high profile directors or stars.
James: But as an actor, wouldn’t you say actors are typically at a higher risk of losing their place in the industry compared to a crew member? Especially when a single scandal could spell the end of our careers.
Orion: Well… We’re all replaceable. But people like you and I have the privilege of a well known name. Wouldn’t you say that we should use our influence to fight against the abuse of our crew?
There is an uncomfortably long silence. The jangling of a pocket watch chain can be heard.
Orion: Any thoughts on that, James?
Pause.
James: I guess without our behind the scenes staff nothing would run smoothly. Why don’t we give a round of applause for our wonderful crew?
The audience claps and cheers for the crew. ORION’S unenthusiastic clapping can be heard. BED: the winding of the pocket watch. flickering of lights.
Orion: (mumbling, sighs) You’re avoiding the point.
James: Shall we move onto the next question Orion?
Orion: (sarcastically) I suppose we shall.
The tense instrumental accompanies the sound of a clock winding up. It ends with a ding.
James: What’s the most embarrassing mistake you’ve made on set?
Countdown clock ticking plays. It goes on for a while longer. The brass instrumental kicks in. Suddenly there’s the buzzer sound, yet it sounds extremely high pitched.
Orion: Geez, what was that! Anyways, probably the time I spilt my coffee all over the director’s chair. I felt really bad because the director made a staff member clean it up instead of me. So Peter, if you’re listening, I’m really sorry!
The audience chuckles.
James: Is that all Orion? You sure you don’t have something more juicy for us?
Orion: Yes.
James: You sure?
Orion: Well I do have something… interesting, but it’s unrelated and I doubt you’d want me to say it.
Beat.
James: (hesitantly) And why would that be?
Orion: All I’ll say is that what happens in the dark always comes to light.
James: … RIght. Erm, how about we move onto the next question.
Silence.
James: Haha, that’s your cue sound guys!
The clock winding sound plays, but it sounds distorted and it glitches in and out before stuttering to a stop. There is a short pause before a ding sound is heard.
Orion: Remember when you said there was nothing wrong with the clock? Good times, good times.
The audience laughs with ORION.
James: (through gritted teeth) Wow, nice one Orion! How about I just ask the question? Sounds good? Ok, nice. What’s something you wish you knew earlier?
Countdown clock ticking plays. It’s interrupted by the buzzer almost immediately.
Orion: Well, I recently found out someone I know has been exploiting their coworkers.
The audience gasps and murmurs. Right Behind You by Valve Studio Orchestra fades in.
James: … Oh really?
Orion: Yeah. So I guess you could say I wish I knew this earlier so I could help these poor people.
James: Wow. This is some pretty confidential information. Are you sure you should be discussing this on air?
Orion: Absolutely positive. It’s important to remember to treat your staff right and appreciate the work they do. You said it yourself earlier, right James?
James: Right, but I think we should-
Orion: So if you agree with me, wouldn’t you want the name of this person to be publicised? To strip them of their power and good name?
James: Slow down Orion, I’m the one asking the questions here. You’re starting to sound like an interrogator.
Orion: I guess that’s quite fitting since you’ve committed a crime.
James: The crime of trying to run my show? Let’s just-
The music pauses.
Orion: I know you’ve been abusing your staff James.
Beat. The audience starts whispering to one another. The music continues playing at it’s peak intensity.
James: … I-I what? No?
Orion: I saw how you treated your personal assistant backstage. You didn’t notice me but I saw how you berated and slapped her for forgetting your coffee.
The audience gasps, and the whispering increases.
James: That never happened. Why are you making things up?
Orion: It did. And I have an audio recording for proof. You can’t weasel your way out of this one James.
James: Ok crew cut the sound and cameras-
The music stops. The muffled sound of JAMES and his personal assistant talking can be heard coming from ORION’S phone, it’s unintelligible. Suddenly, there’s a slap sound and JAMES raises his voice. The audience explodes in anger. They shout at JAMES in disgust and shock.
James: G-guys quieten down! Just- I- God.
The chatter dies down after a while. JAMES sighs shakily.
Orion: Do you have anything to say for yourself?
Beat.
James: (mumbling) I can’t let this happen again.
Orion: Huh? What do you mean again?
The chain of the pocket watch jangles.
Orion: That thing… You were playing with it earlier, what are you doing with that thi-
Suddenly, all the noise is cut off by the same click sound from before. The dialogue from before is played in reverse at a higher pitch and sped up. There is some panicked shouting from the crew and screaming from the audience. It slowly fades into a murmur, gradually being overtaken by a clear loud high pitched ringing.
The ringing becomes softer. The muffled sound of a heart beat heard alongside ORION and JAMES groaning in pain. It sounds muffled and echoey. Slowly, the noise becomes clearer as the ringing and heartbeat fade out.
James: Argh… My head.
Orion: (breathing heavily) What… What happened? Is everyone okay…?
Pause. There’s no response from the audience or crew. The faint sound of electrical buzzing and the air ventilation can be heard.
James: … Oh my god they’re all-
ORION gasps.
Orion: Holy (bleep) are they frozen?!
The sound of ORION’S footsteps echo throughout the studio as he walks around the set.
Orion: Oh my god. The pocket watch. I-I remember what happened! My god… James what did you do?!
James: I-I did nothing.
Orion: Bullcrap. How can you deny anything when everyone in this room is frozen right in front of your eyes! Admit you did something with that pocket watch!
James: Fine. This wasn’t the first time you’ve quote unquote exposed me. I’ve been rewinding time. Are you happy?
Orion: …You’ve been WHAT!?
James: Rewinding time, are you deaf?
The sound of ORION’S footsteps can be heard as he paces back and forth.
Orion: Oh man, oh man… Why the (bleep) would you mess with time!?
James: Because of you! You RUINED my career. My agent eventually dropped me since no one would work with me after what you did. People wouldn’t even give me a chance, as soon as they saw my name they turned me down. So when I found this pocket watch, I seized the opportunity to try again.
The footsteps stop.
Orion: So the reason why these innocent people have been frozen in time is because you wanted to stop me from exposing your abuse? Of course I could count on you to endanger everyone’s lives for your own reputation.
James: I have my own mouth to feed, and without my show I have nothing. Without it, I am nothing.
Orion: I can’t believe you’re so comfortable controlling others that manipulating time and space was the next step in your twisted head.
James: What else was I supposed to do?
Orion: (raising his voice) Uh, change your behaviour? Turn over a new leaf and become a better person? Do ANYTHING else instead of this and cause everyone to be frozen in time!
James: … You know what? I don’t have to deal with this right now.
The jangling of the pocket watch chain can be heard along with JAMES winding back the watch.
Orion: What are you doing? Hey stop it, you’re gonna make things worse!
James: See you in a bit, Orion.
The click sound is heard. Pause. Another click. BED: frantic clicking.
James: What the hell? Why isn’t it working!
Orion: Did you break it?
James: (muttering) Come on come on come on, stupid watch just WORK!
The clicking stops as the sound of the pocket watch clattering on the ground can be heard.
Orion: So we can’t even fix this by going back in time now? Great, just GREAT!
ORION’S last word echoes around the studio. Gradually, Technical Difficulties by Mike Morasky fades in.
James: … Wait, can you hear that?
Orion: W-where is that music coming from?
As the sound of an angelic chorus kicks in from the song, AGENORA’S deep omniscient voice reverbs around the room.
Agenora: James Ritzer, you have committed a grave error.
As the music becomes more intense, the sound of AGENORA’S cloak fluttering can be heard.
Agenora: You have recklessly tampered with time and space for your own selfish gain and have consequently frozen the world in time.
The floor rumbles as AGENORA’S feet touch the ground.
Agenora: I, Agenora, god of time and space, have come for you to answer for your crimes.
The music and sounds stop.
Agenora: Are you ready to undertake the endeavour of undoing your mistakes?
Beat.
Orion: Oh. My. God.
James: This isn’t real. This can’t be real.
Agenora: Oh but it is. You can pinch yourself if you’d like. It’ll sting.
James: W-what do you want from me?
Agenora: To fix this. I’m not usually this merciful with mortals, so you should just accept this olive branch while you can.
Orion: Why can’t you fix it?
Agenora: There are some… limitations I face. You see, I’m not as powerful as I once was. Greedy mortals have captured parts of my power and stored them inside items, like this pocket watch. Besides, James needs to learn a lesson.
Beat.
Agenora: So James, do you accept my offer?
Everything is cut off with a high pitched beep. TV static can be heard for a while before its cut off by the ending song Abandoned Plaza by Macabre Plaza.
END