counting

2020

awakening 
in the midst of a pandemic. 
i lie still in bed 
counting. 

one– 
robotic buzz of 
coffee machine, 
routine hazelnut spread 
over routine toast. 

two– 
friends 
morphed into avatars 
on a computer screen, 
pixelated smiles miles away now inches 
away from mine 
and i realise how much i’ve missed
their voices. voices 
that now fill me with sweetness. 
but a voice booms; 
the screen blanks and they’re gone. 

three– 
lunch is half-spilled noodle soup 
left at my doorstep by a man 
six feet away. 

four– 
“bed-time” 
is not falling asleep 
but sitting in a bed 
basking in afternoon sun 
eyes glassy 
in the painful glow of Gossip Girl. 

five– 
dinner 
is the time the three generations 
that live beneath this roof wallow 
in well-deserved silence 
after the day-long playlist ofwhining, chiding, wailing; 
this warmth that fills my mouth might just 
make up for the warmth
that has left me. 

six– 
i lie in bed 
in the midst of a pandemic, counting, 
not the seconds 
or the hours 
but the moments 
that have begun to 
repeat 
themselves 
day after day.

Khoo Yi Xuan (Class of 2023) writes with hope. She finds comfort in the almost-limitless realms of science fiction and fantasy genres. You’ll likely find her someplace else, possibly in a field of clouds, dreaming somewhere in the sky.